Wednesday, December 28, 2011


A naked specimen. Observed, analyzed, understood?
Can anyone really classify or theorize another?
Is knowing acceptance? Is knowing judgement? How do you understand what you know?
Why even go there, deep inside, what do you hope to find?
A pile of bricks.
You saw the wall, and decided not to climb, trespass or buzz in. Yet you linger.
Most people never look past the wall. What is it that you’re staring at, what interests you? Are you also looking at other properties, do you consider this one of great value?
Why does it matter to me? I’m not your real estate agent, I shouldn’t concern myself with these trivial details. Still, I do.
I’ve built a giant fortress over the years; grand with gates locked… no one is invited inside. Especially not you!
A million brown tear stained bricks glimmer in my eyes as both a promise and a barrier to conquests. The Columbus type, you can see the prize, but you know there are numerous guards standing in your way. You know you’re capable of defeating them, but even after you do, I’ll still be inside, the wall still triumphant, protecting me, and you’re not sure if you will stand the course, all you have is a shield.  
But clearly you’ve peaked through the window, stolen a glance, more than what’s considered polite, you’ve intruded in many ways. I didn’t stop you. However I should be the one who opens and closes the shutters, I control the view. Don’t I? Maybe I can’t control what you see after all. I thought I could. I wish I could.
I’m like the cat who was killed by curiosity, I need to know what it is that you are trying to find, until I understand your motives, I will continue to leave some windows open. Possibly even fall out of one….
Cats have nine lives. I’ve lost count of mine… I don’t think I ever even had one.
Perhaps knowing is simply just that…nothing more, nothing less a process in obtaining a life. It is in itself like Pandora’s box, it can release all the world’s evils, but it will always leave you with hope.
We all know hope is the last thing to die, and if you have not lived then you can’t die.
Or perhaps you can  die, expire, fail… along with your hope.
HOPEfully the answer will be revealed when the wall crumbles.
If ever…
China, Berlin, ….me?

Monday, December 19, 2011

up up and away

Just like a balloon –
Beautiful …….one minute
deflated the next.

They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but …what a difference a day makes.

At least to me
even an hour, 5 minutes…. just a few words can change the world,  my world

Carefully built castles can be destroyed in an instant…when they’re made of sand.

Why do I always build my castles in sand?

An architect of sorts, a creative contractor always commissioned for the wrong projects …. When will I get it right?

I put in a bid for this one,  a l m o s t  too much, luckily I carry my helmet with me- it saved me from losing my assets ….. this time.

Maybe I’ll wear my helmet everyday-to protect me you know … perhaps gloves too.

It’s okay if I can’t see or feel anything. I don’t want to.

And so today I tender my resignation, again.

A white flag, a towel, what should I give you?
Funny thing is, it’s not really a competition.

Yet I still lost.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

continuum of dichotomy?

dreams are elation
mundane is desolation
Where is equilibrium?
Is it in your dreams, because your hopes become aligned with your soul and you flow naturally through life as if you were a nymph?
Or is it in the mundane, the sensible, logical, practical, methodical programme that you follow in fear of loneliness.
Why do I see them as dichotomous? Can’t they exist in a continuum?
I’m always stuck in that shade of grey.
The one no one can see but me.
With their 2-D glasses, all that’s apparent is black and white.
Nuances, gradations, tones, degrees, shades….
I guess I’m going to need mine.
“All of the lights” can be a bit much on the retina.
3-D of course
It’s the third side of the coin that’s always mattered to me anyway

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

the more i understand, the less i 'know'

I think therefore I am.
I think too much, then what, am I too much?
What if my thoughts are too profound, my words too advanced, and my ideas so radical that the world must change to keep up with my pace?
The world will change, if I can be the change.
Can I be it? Can it be me?
I can do the cancan. This I know for sure, it can be measured after all.
It’s what’s expected of me, heck, often I enjoy it.
But when I don’t feel like dancing, what should I do?
What if the things I do conflict with expectations, norms, institutions, discourse, established paradigms… the r  i g h t way.
Is there a wrong way? Says who? In what context? With what conceptual framework? Which methodology did they use? Qualitative, quantitative, mixed methods? Is it ethical?
Oh, I almost forgot about the ethics committee.
Let he(she) who is without ethics cast the first stone….never mind, in fact… keep them, I don’t want any, they just weigh me down.
I have enough thoughts to keep me grounded, I don’t need your stones too.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

up, down, round...and round

In a city that doesn't sleep, the dichotomous pinnacle of extreme wealth and severe poverty, you are supposed to run on the proverbial hamster wheel to make it 'to the top'.

BUT- How can you reach the top if you're going in circles?

If not the top then where?
Hmmm.... Nirvana- Zen- Hollywood- Graceland- Disney- Death... where do we get the gold medal?

Perhaps it's at the bottom? Since the hamster is always at the bottom.... that’s just a law of gravity and life too. Right? But do we always obey laws?
The laws of grammar, driving, fashion... what happens if you break one?
I broke them all today- here I stand, triumphant, in my mismatched, illiterate, stop-sign ignoring glory.
I guess that means I don't qualify for a prize. It should go to someone more deserving, who subscribes to a standard and rational zeitgeist.

I'm more like Dali's 'Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomogranate a Second Before Awakening', you can speculate the symbolism, but never really know the truth. Perhaps it's meaningful, or maybe he was just crazy. You'll find the answer at the end of the carrousel, if you ever decide to get off.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Is Paradise...

Is paradise doing exactly what you want without repercussions?
Having it all?
Or maybe the opposite; having nothing at all?

Following your passions, irrespective of distances, and barriers, for as long as possible...maybe forever, and maybe not, but at least knowing that when it's done, it ends.
Not needing to look back and wonder, 'what if?' Rather smiling because you were a privileged participant.

Alas the rain does fall, and the sky does cry, and we have come to see that our current reality isn't like the utopia we dream of. Instead it's composed of both pleasure and pain, gain and loss, up and down, round and round, 'ouf' -
I'm suddnelty dizzy.
What's that in the distance?

Spotted: a protest!!
Against this trite system, a protest that is anti-rules, and goes contrary to established tranditions which although can be wonderful, pale in comparison to fighting for your beliefs and feelings which is even more beautiful and powerful, dare I say: brave!

I've read a myriad of prose and have ascertained that timid people rarely make history, no one reads about them, they are not great. Rather, 'fortune favours the brave' but does it also favour the passionate? Those who act primarily on their heart's desires rather than the brain's logic...what does fotune and the future hold for them?
Time will tell, let's hope it ends in 'happily ever after' . Or at least just happily.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Virtues aren't like instant coffee, you have to be patient, let them percolate.

You can't force a horse to drink, just like you can't capture a bird who's not ready to be in a cage.

And now I'm tired, tired of a fake world.

Of cookie cutter i-robots. Without blood in their veins, flowing mega bites instead.

I looked deep inside you and found true beauty, and you looked just past me.

What were you looking at?

Perhaps your watch, because time waits for no one.

I've clearly missed my cue.

And as a result the curtain call has ended. I want to stay in the theater for ever

But they keep telling me I'm too old to play dress up.

"they" say...

time heals all wounds.

Perhaps superficial scars too?

But what about the ones that are deep? Do they stay? Never go away?

Try as you may to conceal, they rear themselves.

     Plastic surgery for a synthetic replacement?
                 scarred for life?

Looks like not all 'bogo'* deals are a good bargain.

*bogo-buy one get one free

Saturday, June 18, 2011

i will not fake a smile
i don't want to come
i'm not okay

yes, every fibre of my body, every ounce of my blood aches
yes, i opened my shell only to have the pearl stepped on
yes, i have feelings, real ones, and no- i'm not afraid of them...anymore

yes-i want to run away, go on my boat, float into the sunset, but i am stuck, no- can't go far, the sails are missing, gone, torn, stolen, tattered, beaten, dead.

no-it's not fair, nothing is, and likely won't be, yes- i hate that, yes- i wish it weren't so, but it is, and i can cry a river, but my boat still won't sail,  not far enough

no- i won't use an ore, i don't want a motor, and i refuse to call for help, yes- i like being stuck here, with no sails, no-movement, just afloat, in shallow tears, for as long as it takes

yes- my boat could sink, and yes- what a shame, but no- i don't care, i can't, it's too late

yes- the path is the right one, the captain is steering correctly, but no- the weather conditions are wrong; rain, wind, snow, ice, the boat can't compete against evil forces of nature

alas i've lost count of the yes' because that's just how it goes.
instead i'm stuck in the dead end waters of no, no, no, surprisingly though i know i don't belong, i like it, because like a painful bruise, it feels good to apply pressure where it hurts, to make sure i'm alive. i am alive arn't i? yes? no?



Trying to please Attempting to appease
Faking a smile
Going the extra mile

But none of it brings me that which I long,
Nor does it save the world.
So what's the point? Why pretend?

While some feign caring,
I'm forced to grin and bare,
But why keep up the charade when everyone knows there will be no winner?
There is no triumph in the superficial Olympics
No golden trophy to be won. 
Just losers, a lot of them,
some lamer than others but nonetheless insignificant.

Who decides when enough's enough?
What's appropriate? WHY DO I CARE?
Where to draw the line?
It's never been up to me, I've always been a mere puppet.

But I'm going to cut the strings,
All of them,
One by one.
Because that which made me happy is beyond the reach of these strings,
And if I don't cut them off now,
I'll always be just part of a puppet show.


Monday, May 30, 2011

The recipe for disaster

What’s in a lie?
A dash of immaturity
A teaspoon of insecurity
Two cups of bullshit
A warm glass of stubbornness
Be sure to mix them together with some judgement.

DO not add class, it will ruin the whole recipe.

OooOh I see, it’s an easy recipe. That must be why it's so commonly used.
Well not everything that’s easy is worthwhile, and not everything that glitters if gold.
The truth will set you free. Shackles can get irritating after a while.

Friday, May 27, 2011

and so I shed another tear, one I've helped to create

Deep sadness won't allow me slumber. They say there's no rest for the wicked, perhaps that's what I am. But my greatest sin is that, I don't know.

I want to please, but instead I agitate.
I want to help but I hurt.
Like Midas but with the touch of angst.

How can it feel this way if it was devoid of truth?
How can you wish away something that never was?

And from now on, I will the wrong measurements for suits.
Arms too long, pants too short, nothing will fit, never look right.
And that's how I want it, irregular, like you, like me, like all of us.

Time may heal wounds but there's no Rx for a soul.

Alas, I'm an eternal dreamer, I admit.

But I can't dream anymore. I don't sleep.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Let it be...and other phrases to postpone insanity (anti-lamogio)

When the sun shines and even when it doesn't, time ticks forward.

If a situation bothers you, change it.

When people are rude, kill them with your kindness.

Money is made to be spent, but not without thinking carefully.

Life is meant to be lived, but the rule is true for others too, so live and let live.

Don't laugh at others, laugh with them.

Be happy with yourself, because if you're not, no one else will be either.

Set goals, aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll me amongst the stars.

Try to understand others and to cut them some slack, as the fable goes, the lion ended up needing help from the mouse, you never know what life holds in store for you.

There's only love. Love poeple, love nature, love the universe.

Bad things happen, life has ups and downs. Remain positive regardless.

Dream, wish, hope; always. Even when you're not sleeping.

Spend time with children and the elderly, through their eyes you will see how beautiful life was, is, can be.

Most people are selfish. Accept it, act accordingly, but never be that way. Share your wealth, your joy, your love. Everything expires sooner or later so make good use of it while you can.

Be yourself, not everyone will like it. They may not understand, they will criticize, but you're the only expert on yourself. Don't ever forget it.

The world can be a dark place. You don't have to be.

So when life happens, don't worry, let it be, even if you don't, it will still continue anyway. Ride the wave, it's always more fun that being smacked by it. 

Monday, March 7, 2011

deadly sins

You posses them, yet I suffer their consequences.

Envy joy, stomp on it, in hopes to feel better about yourself. Who knows, maybe you can create a putty out of it and use it to fill the chip on your shoulder.

Be a glutton of fun, like a vampire draws blood, so you draw smiles and leave the carcasses strewn in a gutter. You wear the smiles like a mask, even when it’s not Halloween.

Lust after sincere passion and mock it at every opportunity. If you vandalize it, the graffiti will leave ugly marks. Mission accomplished.  

Take pride in your supposed ‘superiority’, judge everyone by your criterion, and be proud that you're not like them, even though we both know the world would be a better place if you were.

Exercise sloth as frequently as possible, breathe it in as if it’s air. It's easier to play the part of black swan anyway.

You want it all. From ideas to couture, your greed has no boundaries. But even if it was all given to you, it wouldn’t be enough, for you, nothing ever is.

Your pseudo smile doesn’t fool me. Your garden may be beautiful but your house’s interior is hideous. Your negative thoughts are kindling for a fire of anger. Though you may try to cover the boiling pot with a lid, it's bound to overflow. And when it does, your fingers will burn.

Although their nomenclature is the '7 Deadly Sins', one would assume the possessor of said sins would be the sufferer too. Yet the opposite is true.
Others are the casualties in the battle of Good vs. Evil....
Evil will always win, and that’s all you want anyway.
Enjoy your victory, just be sure to dress lightly for the victory party, it will be hot there.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

TOO MUCH pepper in my sushi

Yes, I’ve heard:
In a world where we are taught to believe, more is more.
Why do we feel sick when we’ve had too much? Shouldn’t evolution have come up with some kind of fix for that?

A dichotomous life; the dogma of ‘want more -do more’ and the negative consequences of ‘overindulgence reality’....

What’s a girl to do?
Retail therapy won’t help,
Nor will a massage,
Even a mani-pedi can’t do the trick....

When we go on our final journey, what will matter?

Lennon writes it best.

'It’s easy...

Love, love, love...'

domo arigato kuro koshou

nobody puts baby in a corner

Oh, and don’t you step on my blue suede shoes!
Well, it’s one for the hypocrisy
Two for the selfishness and indifference
Three to get enough material to talk behind someone’s back, laugh and then feel yourself superior

And FOUR wake up!

If the sun revolved around people, it certainly wouldn’t be you.
If we were to replace the inner core of the Earth, you wouldn’t be positioned in its stead.
And if you took even one moment to be empathetic, perhaps you would be human.

Alas, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
I’m sure you’d try to eat mine if you could....but I ain’t sharrin doll! Not anymore at least.

For every 1 bad deed, 13.764 good acts become null and void.
Do the math smartass...

What do ‘Dirty Dancing’ and ‘Elvis’ have in common?
An active pelvis...c’est ca!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Equilibrium correct temperature, the right balance, and the air of “I don’t care”.
All signs of a healthy equilibrium.
But what about when we rely too much on ‘this’, or too little on ‘that’?
W H A T happens when E q UiLIB r Iu    m   is destroyed, bankrupt, abandoned?
You’ve obviously         Let go.    Opened up.    Risked.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you venture more than you gain, will you be reimbursed?
In times of assets; bliss, joy, amour!
Alternately there are always liabilities in the forecast: f u c k    y o u.
But it’s the liabilities which make us great. They are the foundations of a noble character, the supporting wall for depth...what’s more ...  without them, I’d be  y a w n .... four walls, each the same size, the shape of you.
just be sure that the ratio isn’t 40:60,,,,,,,or you may infringe on  the static, competitive, general, partial, or recursive equilibrium theories, and then what will become of you? The mathematical black hole may not seem menacing...but it is.
I guess I should keep a flashlight handy, because frankly I never was any good at math....

Friday, January 7, 2011

All that glitters is not gold

Time waits for no-one

Our whole lives we’ve been taught, ‘Don’t put off till later what you can do right now’. Again, the wisdom of ages at work to protect newbies from a life of missed deadlines and over-due fees.
Procrastinate, put off, delay, postpone, adjourn, dally, defer, dawdle...potato ...change the name if you wish the end result is constant. Act II Scene II Romeo and Juliet, ‘What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.’
With a philosophy similar to that of Nike, ‘Just Do It’ but with a uniquely Greek twist to it, “Just Do It, Later’ trouble is bound to ensue. Of course in Canada this is something that you can get away with. Gas tank almost empty? It’s okay gas stations are open 24 hours, you’ll never run out of gas, and hell, if you do, there’s CAA. In Greece however, it’s a whole different ballgame. Things close without warning, and close often, there’s apparently a holiday every other week, and stores, banks, transportation and other things we humans have come to depend on have no regimented schedule, everything is left to work as the wind.
Wind is lucky, it comes and goes as it pleases, takes what it wants with it, when it gets bored, it leaves them randomly, without a second thought. Wind doesn’t pay rent, or for internet, nor does wind have to be at work at any specific time. The wind doth blow, but life doesn’t have to.
The things I’ve put off get done in haste, if at all. A job well done requires time. A life well lived requires action. Take the time to plan actions because there isn’t always a later. When later becomes tomorrow, next week, in a month and it will eventually be never.
The arms of a clock are relentless, unless of course you postponed getting a new battery.    

Monday, January 3, 2011

COCO had her Venus in Leo too!

I always knew I was a dilettante, but only recently can I prove it.
Astrology-Astronomy-Astrophysics, all scientifically proven. Right?
Recently I had my horoscope/zodiac analyzed and low and behold I’m not the boring ‘Cancer’ I once thought. My horoscope is more complex than nuclear physics and luckier than a four leafed clover. If only I understood what it all means. Apparently I have a triangle with 120 degrees which is quite balanced and in all my planets I’ve been blessed. Not a square 90 degree in sight. Phew!
Moreover my Venus is in ‘Leo’, and this is good, better than good, great! I’m also among good company, none other than Coco Chanel and Madonna are in the ranks.
If your Venus is in ‘Leo’, it means: ( Astrology) With Venus in the sign of Leo, you radiate warmth and if you're not confident in love matters, you'll fake it 'til you make it. You've got a regal bearing and can be generous, affectionate and playful. Your persona is delightfully dramatic, and this can lend an air of excitement to your relationships.
If you ignore the fact that today it started to pour rain subsequently after I hung my laundry out to dry, that I dropped the iron on my foot  and that I’ve fallen madly in love with a figment of my imagination (all part of having Venus in Leo), I’m FABULOUS, just like Coco and Madge. Maybe even better because I'm alive and not a grey in sight ;)

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Never drop the bone to catch the shadow

WHY must I test out every proverb myself?
Proverbs exist so that people can learn from the wisdom and mistakes of others.

Yet I have decided to live my life, each moment, testing out time honoured aphorisms. Because I think, I know better! But really, I don't.

'Never drop the bone to catch the shadow' or in Greek 'Όποιος θέλει τα πολλά, χάνει και τα λίγα'. Simply meaning 'Don't be Greedy!'

Well, initially I thought it was an old wives tale, typical overly cautious parents telling their children not to overstep their boundaries. What about ambition? What about luck? Are they accounted for in this? If not, shouldn't they be? What kind of world would it be without a little Chutzpah to keep things interesting.

So I wanted to have my cake and eat it too! WHY SHOULDN'T I? ummm maybe because it's impossible.

Next time I decide to do 7 things per day, so that I can cross them off my to do list and dichotomosly please everyone. While simultaneously over-indulging, under-sleeping and galavanting without reason and purpose I will remember not to be greedy. Because if I don't, I will once again become so ill, and will be bed-ridden for three days. With no-one to blame but the reflection in the mirror and no-one to cry to except the four walls.

I've dropped the proverbial bone.
I reached for the shaddow, but we all know how that turned out.

So as they say: The darkest hour is always before dawn
Dawn, hurry the h#$% up!