Tuesday, June 12, 2012

four better or worse

1- Always be impeccable with your word- Don't gossip, and if you have nothing nice to say, the rule applies: Say nothing. The reality is that it's tempting to gossip, and every so often, it's even necessary to save our friends from the dangers that lurk, in addition to explaining why something is the way it is. As a general rule though, when it's not directly connected to your well being, speaking poorly of others is actually a reflection of yourself. Those negative words are connected to feelings that will then be associated with you ... think positive, be positive, speak positively or remain silent. No we cannot fantasize about unicorns and rainbows and an ideal world, but being critical with the intention to foster growth is different than being negative for no reason at all.

2- Don't take it personally- Other peoples' actions may offend you, perturb you, and at times be insensitive and cruel. This is not because you're a bad person, nor does it render you unworthy of love. It has everything to do with the lack of class, chip on their shoulder, and the bad days they've been having and nothing to do with you. You need friends and more often than not, they're not there for you, yes it's painful, but it shows you that they're not able to give the love and support you need, not that you cannot receive it. Be mindful, perhaps you've been a subpar friend too and they're reciprocating, which is immature but happens nonetheless. Be reflective, sometimes you could be to blame too, or other times not at all. Regardless, do not internalize the behaviours of others, nor should you feel responsible. You can only control yourself, ultimately your actions are the only ones you can be accountable for.

3- Don't make assumptions-don't judge. Often we tend to use our own criteria to assess the actions, words, or ideas of others. This is a bad idea because they do not view the world through the same lens that you do, and cannot be held accountable for your high standards. They may have had a terrible upbringing, an abusive relationship or be simpletons. That's their problem, not yours but you must respect them and accept their choices just the same. They may not be 'ideal' in your milieu but in their life's ecosystem it might be the best they can do. If you have not walked in someone else's shoes, then don't assume you know what they're experiencing. Even if you have walked in similar shoes, the path you've walked may have been different thus rendering their journey as uniquely theirs.

4- Do the best at everything you do- Tasks large and small deserve your best effort. Irrespective of what reward an action has, the effort put into it should be honourable and honest. Anything worth doing is worth doing well as they say. Careful not to confuse your own personal best with perfection or competition. Perfection doesn't exist and the pursuit of it breeds unhappiness, but personal best does exist and can be achieved with perseverance and effort. Competitiveness may be a good motivator, but it can also cause hostility and anger and ultimately make the 'reward' less precious if other people were harmed in the process of achieving it.

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