I feel like the weather

This analogy, depending on the weather where one lives, could mean pleasant things associated with sunshine, and warmth, or if one lives where I do, it could mean, cold, desolate, and irritable.

The great yogis say, 'if you spot it, you got it', meaning that the flaws we notice in others, are really just reflections of our own weaknesses.

Perhaps... sometimes....but sometimes, they're not. Or are they?

I am noticing stupidity in others, I am by no means stupid. Am I? I guess it depends who you ask.

I am noticing greed in others, from time to time I may have inclines toward greed, but in no way to the extend that I've seen. Or perhaps it's just different, but the level not greater.

I am noticing extreme laziness and the opposite of integrity in others, and although of course I can be lazy, I am not a sloth, and I do keep my word. Most of the time...


Let's not forget insincerity and general chatter of words for the sake of writing/saying them, but no real depth, I'm drowning in others' pseudo-attempts at humanity. Do I sound like the automatic reply on an email? I sure hope not, because you do, and it's ridiculous.

Is it possible that I embody these deplorable traits? Am I worse than those who make me angry? I mean children use a similar adage for passing gas, 'who ever smelt it, dealt it', and it's not always accurate. After all I can be sure to have smelt many a disgusting odor but have not been the culprit of them.


Alas, the truth shall remain elusive. I've not been scorned for having any of the above traits, nor do I scorn those who I see embodying them. So perhaps we're all just living a lie, we're all just assholes, with shitty characters, too lazy to try to improve one another, too selfish to care.

In the very least, we know that some cliches do materialize, and if opposites attract, let's hope I'm lucky either way.

summertime sadness

But the things we really want to say they cannot be said

Because

They are absurd…kinda

What if I told you I’d make you fly?

I can, really.

You unhinged my wings, I let you, they had been coming unhinged for sometime…

But you opened them wholly, only to leave me adrift in the air, alone.

I won’t ask why, I think I know, but I’d rather pretend.

Pretending – a state of bliss, where body and mind are not in unison, mind takes over matter and makes things matter that shouldn’t…and that really don’t… or at least can’t.

And so I don’t wonder why, nor do I cry in shame…

These tears are a different form, a realization, an understanding, a longing for something that cannot be said…

I’m not usually at a loss for words, but you cut my tongue into a million pieces…

All good things come to an end they say, but what if it wasn’t said?

What if the fat lady has not sung, yet?

I see many morbidly obese people singing, and I’m not quite sure they’re the ones I should be listening for, where is this quintessential voluptuous lady?

They say, when you know you’ll know…

I always know, the problem is no one else seems to…

four better or worse

1- Always be impeccable with your word- Don't gossip, and if you have nothing nice to say, the rule applies: Say nothing. The reality is that it's tempting to gossip, and every so often, it's even necessary to save our friends from the dangers that lurk, in addition to explaining why something is the way it is. As a general rule though, when it's not directly connected to your well being, speaking poorly of others is actually a reflection of yourself. Those negative words are connected to feelings that will then be associated with you ... think positive, be positive, speak positively or remain silent. No we cannot fantasize about unicorns and rainbows and an ideal world, but being critical with the intention to foster growth is different than being negative for no reason at all.

2- Don't take it personally- Other peoples' actions may offend you, perturb you, and at times be insensitive and cruel. This is not because you're a bad person, nor does it render you unworthy of love. It has everything to do with the lack of class, chip on their shoulder, and the bad days they've been having and nothing to do with you. You need friends and more often than not, they're not there for you, yes it's painful, but it shows you that they're not able to give the love and support you need, not that you cannot receive it. Be mindful, perhaps you've been a subpar friend too and they're reciprocating, which is immature but happens nonetheless. Be reflective, sometimes you could be to blame too, or other times not at all. Regardless, do not internalize the behaviours of others, nor should you feel responsible. You can only control yourself, ultimately your actions are the only ones you can be accountable for.

3- Don't make assumptions-don't judge. Often we tend to use our own criteria to assess the actions, words, or ideas of others. This is a bad idea because they do not view the world through the same lens that you do, and cannot be held accountable for your high standards. They may have had a terrible upbringing, an abusive relationship or be simpletons. That's their problem, not yours but you must respect them and accept their choices just the same. They may not be 'ideal' in your milieu but in their life's ecosystem it might be the best they can do. If you have not walked in someone else's shoes, then don't assume you know what they're experiencing. Even if you have walked in similar shoes, the path you've walked may have been different thus rendering their journey as uniquely theirs.

4- Do the best at everything you do- Tasks large and small deserve your best effort. Irrespective of what reward an action has, the effort put into it should be honourable and honest. Anything worth doing is worth doing well as they say. Careful not to confuse your own personal best with perfection or competition. Perfection doesn't exist and the pursuit of it breeds unhappiness, but personal best does exist and can be achieved with perseverance and effort. Competitiveness may be a good motivator, but it can also cause hostility and anger and ultimately make the 'reward' less precious if other people were harmed in the process of achieving it.

pseudo smile

I think you can tell that it's fake, but we both know it's expected.
My smile isn't real today.

The overcompensation in my voice,
the quasi-excuses,
all a ploy...
so that I can be alone.

Why aren't we allowed to be alone once in a while?
Why can't we have a day where we're sad? Why must people "cheer" us up?
Is there cheer in sorrow?

Life, has both bitter and sweet days, moments, experiences...
each one momentous and worthy of the feelings it generates.

To ignore, to dwell, to obsess- are all dangerous actions
But how about just feeling a real emotion, is that dangerous too?

I believe that human beings are socialized to personify perfection.
A life without pain, a meritocracy, a utopia...
But outside of the this dream, once the dust settles,
lies a reality far different than the one we paint for ourselves.

Today I'm smiling with my mouth, a broad grin, but my eyes remain transfixed ...
they are indicative of my soul, and cannot feign anything.

But we both know, that even if you noticed, you'd pretend you didn't ....
because today is a happy day, right?

focus

what does one require to pay attention when attention must be paid? What do we do when its been scheduled into the proverbial timetable, datebook, agenda?

why is it that attention cannot keep to the clock? Why does it follow its own perverse rules, guidelines, appointments?

where has focus gone if it's not here?...perhaps it's staying at your place, napping, abandoned ship?...idk

when will it return, I cannot continue my work without it, what time exactly, precision was never its strong suit but I need to know the date, time and place.

who am I when I'm not me? Who is this person without attention, and isn't it dangerous, scary, irresponsible to be unfocused, to live that way? Who are you?

how will I ever get it back, even though I secretly hope I don't, I can't, I won't ...


Shh!

A watched pot never boils

Or does it?
My blood boils, sometimes, at least I feel that it could, might...will

I'll have to wait and see I guess.

Why is it that the moment we utter the words "_______" those words which reveal everything we had been preserving, concealing, keeping to and for ourselves in fear that if we open our mouths it might get away.....does get crushed, destroyed and ruined when the sounds form words, and the words have meaning.

A secret, once revealed is no longer mysterious. Once you lose mystery, what's left?
Reality of course,
But reality, I'm afraid, is not always thrilling nor even decent, heck, at times it's down right deplorable.

So should we keep it all inside, so it can stay alive, or do we have to breathe it out to test its survival skills?
What to make of this disjuncture, between inhalation, and exhalation, fact and fiction
Reality and imagination
Here and there...

Where is 'here'?
If so then ...
I'm currently where?
Here!?
There?!

Where will we meet?
The choice it seems was never mine, never thine, always...ours

If we share it, does it mean it's left to 'fate'?
Because I can't control you, nor you me...
Is fate like a gatekeeper of dreams, a grouchy naysayer or a gentle promoter? An open-minded optimist or a pase pessimist?

I think fate is a tortured soul, both independent and needy. A paradox of sorts, a puzzling puzzle...A question mark ?

And still even when fate is driving, I am lost, I feel I should ask for directions. Life, this journey, is utterly bewildering and wonderful and terrible and lovely... and every day I change my mind.
I guess I just don't get it, nor do I want to, yet.

Every pot has its lid, so when it boils, I'll know... I'll hear rattling and shaking of the lid, unless of course it's the wrong size, which means we'll have to start the recipe from scratch, again.

Cooking up a recipe for a sweet life...it ain't easy.

what if I play..

Your trivial game,
And win...?

Which is precisely what will happen if choose to participate.

I wonder what's worse:

a) playing a silly game and winning..plausibly a prize not worth having, or at best a minimally coveted one

OR

b) not participating in this pathetic-olympiad and losing based on forfeit, lack of attendance in other words

Is it better to win in idiocy or lose in abandonment?

If you win, are you really a champion, and if you are, then a champion of what?

Your trophy would read: best < twit >... hmm doesn't sound appealing.

In my estimation it's a lose, lose situation.
But what if those are your only two options?

Is there a lesser of the two 'evils' so to speak?

Is life just that, a journey through bad and worse,
Finding the least prickly path will get you to... yet another obstacle.
Is it a maze of thorns, the proverbial rate race, a dunce cap-a-thon?!
What is it?? Does anyone know?!

I certainly don't ...
But what I do know is that I'm averse to these games.
Just be careful not to make me angry, because when I am, I lack foresight, and become competitive.
When that happens, and don't say I didn't warn you, I will win.
And then sadly, the joke will still be on me,
Because I will have won ...rubbish.

I'm minimalistic, I'd rather be empty than full of ballocks.